“The harder your brain is obliged to work, the greater will be its capacity for work.” Lewis, D., Greene, J., Thinking Better
Explore how much of a challenge your child is able to accept. We all have the innate desire to be challenged and conquering a good challenge delights us.
Everyone likes to do something easy, but only for a short period of time. Think of the last time you had something challenging and you succeeded in conquering it. You probably felt a great sense of satisfaction. It may have been very frustrating going through the process, but once you did it, WOW! You likely felt good about yourself and realized that you could do something you didn’t think you could do. Your self-confidence skyrocketed, even if only for a short period of time. You felt that you were now armed and equipped to do more.
Why is it then that people believe that giving a child something easy to do is the key to improving the child’s self-confidence? An easy task may be a start, but the effects short-lived. This “easy” idea has permeated the education system so much so now, that educators are frightened to challenge students. Programs have been developed based on this premise, and in the US alone, billions of dollars have been spent focusing on the problems of the weakest kids, rather than on programs designed to challenge them.
I believe that as a society as a whole, we CANNOT be scared to challenge others. If it is our intention to help a person improve his intelligence, or to prepare him/her for their future challenges, then isn’t it our responsibility to challenge them when they are young?
How can you, as a parent, help your child meet a challenge with “zest”?
First, a child needs to learn how to approach a challenging situation or problem. They need to know how to mentally deal with something that they think cannot be done. By going through a difficult process and experiencing success, they will develop better self-esteem. They won’t be as frightened of a tough situation or problem the next time it comes to them. Teach them that there are always solutions to problems, even if the problem doesn’t look possible, or the challenge appears to be way beyond what they think is possible. This is when your attitude “kicks” in. If you as a parent approach your own challenges with a positive attitude, believing in yourself and believing that you can do it, then your kids will see this and react in the same way when they are in similar situations. They also need to see that you can’t always solve all your problems on your own, and that often others are needed to solve the problem too. Let them hear how you ask questions and work with others in a positive way.
Second: a student needs to learn the basic “question solving” skills. First teach them to look for the right question(s) to ask. They need to learn techniques on how to approach a challenge and be armed with a set of skills they can refer back to, so that they can find the right question. Once the question is known then their other skills will help them. A strong skill set in this area is transferable to many types of situations. If kids are given opportunities to use their problem-solving skills in a variety of combinations, then they will learn how to approach any type of new challenge without fear. Another fact that becomes apparent to them very quickly is that they won’t be able to solve all their problems/questions on their own, and that is OK. They will learn that they will need to work with others, and that working with others, as a team member, is crucial to success. Learning to depend on others at times, and learning that others need to depend on you too is important. We are not alone in this world and it isn’t just about “me”.
Third: the fear of a challenge. If the challenge seems too great, many of us will stop in our tracks and freeze, or turn around and go back; or worse, just ignore or avoid the situation. You need to set realistic expectations for your child, but make them tough enough that your child will be stretched just a bit. I believe that God gives us challenges in life so that we are the best person that we can be. In the classroom, and at home, it is important that we continue to challenge children.
Our main focus with math problems at Spirit of Math, is not just to improve math skills. We want kids to develop the skills necessary to deal with difficult situations. Using math as the means to do this is very effective. Learning how to get kids to work on their own and with their peers without telling them how to do everything is our teachers’ challenge.
Your expectations and your attitude are crucial. Challenging kids takes courage, self-confidence, and confidence in your kids’ abilities.